Do you Have Yellow Squared Vision?
“It’s easy to get caught up in
the process of reading the story that you lose sight of being in the story.” -Ann Marie
While trying to balance my life with career, being mom,
planning home school lessons, contemplating case preparations for the week, my life in the world of Ph.D., and all I really want at this very moment is to just be quiet, still and watch HGTV without having the dreaded thought of 3 papers to write, an MFT exam in 3 weeks with little to no study as of yet, and a couple of sick family members. –Not to mention, I have circling around my mind, and listed on my sticky notes ‘to do list’ that I must schedule promised friend lunch dates, weekend plans to accommodate all 5 members of my family, all in an effort to keep my plan of balance in this new way of living that I have somehow presented as therapy to my soul. Life in my world is not the norm, but then I think what defines a norm? Is it a standard way of living that is created solely for others or is it my norm based on personal articulated, thoughtful, meticulated organized sticky notes that visually antagonize my morning once the
lap top is opened to reveal that I have failed to cross one more thing off my
list? Go figure, the therapist with unresolved lists. Has my life really become a yellow sticky note as I walk in every room,
there is “Note to self,” “note RE: JD and remind to….”
I begin my Monday morning with my hazelnut coffee, a
cinnamon raisin bagel and whipped cream cheese all at 5 weight watchers points, a tall glass of iced water for the road and with the company car broke and in repair after my last week survival stunt, I gather my brief case and head to my 2 hour destination in my unreliable SUV, where my ministry will begin, and I soon shift from regular chaotic weekend woman warrior to Professional. Somehow through God’s loving belief in me and calling, I manage to get through a full day of clients. At the end of my day I have accumulated at least 5 more yellow stickies. What’s a girl to do? She gathers the stickies, organizes them in her itinerary, comes home and cleared away nothing, in fact she added. Then I realize, I do this to myself every time.
I have become a sticky woman. I am an organized shade of yellow. Exhausted at
8:30 p.m. finally to make the 2 hour trip home, I glance over at my mileage,
speedometer console where in my view is a piece of black tape that covers my
check engine light and a rolled up wad of tissue to cover the annoying blinking
four wheel drive monitor. That is what I call therapeutic reflection.
In my car on this moonlit night, I found balance. I found the quiet, the peace I dream of. I know you are completely confused. Some things are just not so important. If we spend all this time creating lists and notes and surround ourselves with tasks then we are probably up for a diagnosis of a “high functioning post-it individual.” This can lead to high stress, self
defeating thoughts of failure, an over looked sense of self, and physical and mental
exhaustion. So this morning I woke up, and I removed obligations from yellow background
squares and mentally replaced them with black tape.
Have you become so detailed in your day? Do you make lists?
Do you have at least 6 yellow stickies? I challenge you to reprioritize your ‘self-created’ obligations.
My car reminds me that some things aren’t worth the mental stress they can create and so we compromise in order to move forward. In my life, when I compromise and filter them through God’s sifter, I have a much sweeter perspective with my unique lifestyle at heart. It’s inevitable that my life will not be free from chaos. I have identified, acknowledged and accepted it. In fact I have created my own personal twelve step program for my own personal
God is a man of peace. If I am to conform to His Image I must remember to experience peace on a daily basis. Conforming is doing!
As a therapist, counselor of others, a mom, a wife, an educator,
a doctoral student, a Professional, a friend…..It’s easy to get caught up in
the process of reading the story that you lose sight of being in the story.
What I am saying is don’t lose sight of the content you
create in your personal life.
With the various roles I have, I must relinquish tasks to another opportunity, without guilt or failure, and just be the corny mom who listens to 70’s music, dances in the kitchen, watches YouTube with her girls, and sits for 2 hours without a yellow sticky in sight, feet plopped up in her favorite vintage blue find, dog at her lap, and a gorgeous man within reach. Let’s
not forget the diet coke. If you know me, you know I have an unhealthy habit of
too much of a good thing hence diet coke. By the way it was a diet coke that saved my life last week at 4 p.m. while in Victoria Texas. A later blog in the making……..
Parents can get so focused on the discipline and structure, …..Marriages can become a data base of events and not a heart full of memories spoken with a smile and felt in the soul.
Your goal today is to appreciate a world of chaos. It has certainly brought me much more sweet pleasure and smiles then those yellow squares ever did.
If your answer is yes or no to “do you love’ then change your question to “How do you love?” and start building bridges that connect marriages, families and careers. Balance is an effortless display of passion. You will know if something is not aligned. So off I go to find passion somehow in those 3 papers while I home school my son, and find peace that my home project of remodeling and renewing will need to resume to enjoyable rather than a
Love & Hugs –Ann Marie Godines