My life changed October of 2011.
I don’t even know how it started. I felt pain, constant pain. They kept saying that with major surgery it would take me months to recuperate. Then I also had to consider the stent living inside me. See I had reconstructive surgery on my insides. My bladder is no longer where it should be. X-rays will not be able to find it. I have a piece of my ureter left. –Kind of interesting inside of me. Things still work, but they don’t work efficiently with my schedule. I grew a 20 lb. tumor. All my life I have struggled with my weight so a 20 lb. tumor was accommodated to fit within my sense of self. I never felt tired. I in fact only struggled with pain in my right leg that alerted me to see a doctor. There were a few other things but it was my conversation with God one day that led me to seek medical help. I was to trust Him in all of it. I had no medical insurance. It was certainly bold faith that I held on to as I persevered on this journey of medical treatment. Doors closed daily! I had to first find a doctor. That was not as easy as looking in the yellow pages. Then I had to apply for insurance. I kept getting denied. Finally as a last resort, I looked into Cigna. They took my application over the phone, took my credit card and said it would need to go to underwriting and if all was okay my insurance would take effect on January 15th of 2012. Well in January when I spoke with God for two weeks straight as I drove to Victoria, He reassured me that He would take care of everything. He also let me know that I needed to prepare for the hardest journey I would ever experience. It was on a Monday January 2nd that I knew I had Cancer. He told me. He prepared me. I cried, grieved and trusted Him. I told my husband about what I knew. I prepared him. For those two weeks we were still and we knew that He was Lord. That scripture (Psalm 46:10) resounded in my head along with (Philippians 4:13) knowing that I could do all things through Him who giveth me my strength. Trust and faith are where I lived for a couple of weeks. On Sunday January 1st, I was buying food for Marrieds. At HEB, I had a black out. My chest was pounding and I was not coherent for a moment. David and JD helped me manage that morning. When we got to Marrieds, it happened again. I was talking with my Pastor and I had another episode. He was the first person we told about my illness. We received prayer that morning. On Sunday night, it got worse. My body just continued to struggle. David reached out to his family for prayer. David’s sister works for a doctor in Alice and she worked it out so that he could see me on Tuesday January 17th two days after my insurance would take effect if they would accept me. See I would not have a way of knowing aside from knowing on Monday the 16th when I called them. I went to work the next day, drove to Victoria and I managed to get through my work day. I prayed that God would give me strength to continue and to persevere. He was with me through it all. Crying out to the Lord…. I did that every day! On Monday the 16th I called. I was approved! Yay : ) Tuesday I went to see the doctor. He did a CT scan and there it was, the monster of all tumors. I grew a 20lb. tumor that would change my life from then on.
He was the size of a basketball. He squashed my ovaries and protected the Cancer from spreading and kept it confined to one area of my uterus. I was still being protected. Isn’t God just amazing! I am growing this insane thing inside me and God is at work, squashing out all of the attacks on my body and on my Spirit. While my family was grieving, I was at peace. I will admit that when they first notified me in an office and gave me some options to consider, I cried out to the Lord, because we hadn’t talked that far. I didn’t know what to do, which one to choose. That night when I was alone, I asked God to please tell me what to do. Which one? I was so overwhelmed! I just wanted Him to take over. Well duh….. He had been in control all that time. He took over when I allowed Him to. The moment I begin to panic and cry and cry and cry and wonder and fear…I TOOK CONTROL! That was the difference. So guess what I did. I gave it back to Him graciously and respectfully but still scared to be honest. Ok so maybe I threw it back at Him. I did not want this problem. I was mad. I did not want to make all these decisions so therefore I consulted with Him from then on in all things except for one moment when I completely lost it. (See Next blog still in the writing stages)
Scriptures for reflection:
Hebrews 4:12 12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
Romans 10:17 17 So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.
Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Steady my Heart He is constantly steadying my heart! What an awesome father we have! I am remembering who I am!