Building bridges one family at a time….

Preparing for another battle

Abnormal is what it read. Back to checking for tumors, blood clots and figuring out how to keep this tumor removed from attacking my heart and lung. I am strong and I am a fighter, however I’ve come upon a reality that I’m not ready for. Feels like I’ve fallen flat on my face.

All this because a tumor was removed.

Today is one of those days where I received bad news, home sick again, can’t sleep, trying to stay strong to survive another week of work without the blackouts, fevers and cold sweats…..

So many irritants lately: insomnia, constantly barfing cuz my body is sick, headaches that make me mad, pain all over, constant blackouts, hair in the sink, fluid around my organs, infections because I only have one ureter left, infections from my auto immune disease, the painful raynauds in my hands, short term memory difficulties and memory loss.

The tumor is gone but now I have a greater picture of what to expect as I recover from the past three surgeries. Lupus. I have Lupus. Degenerative disease, Raynaud’s, Sacroiliitis from the tumor damage of my joints and Spinal stenosis. A full work week and the questions of my credibility begin. To think not only has my life been ripped apart now my heart is being shredded by a career I spent years training for. “Am I sure I am capable…?” Not what you want to hear at work. Heck, I’m working on my dual licensure and a PhD. Am I capable he asks? It was here where I began to feel lesser and defeat began to start nudging at my every effort to prove just how capable I was. So I set out to do it all just to prove the small conversations wrong.

Yes I was mad. I was hurt. I was angry and I felt betrayed by the very place I needed support and encouragement. My journey continued…… December 12, 2012

 

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2 Responses »

  1. Cannot even begin to understand what you are going through. Praying for health while praying for strength to get through this. I have no words to say. Anything that comes to mind feels so lame and inadequate. All I have to offer is my prayers and friendship.

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